if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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