Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
