your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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