so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
