my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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