I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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