I'm going to jail i love you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
