I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My life is pants optional.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
