Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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