i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
