He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
