I accidentally had phone sex last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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