Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
