He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
