His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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