Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
