spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
