I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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