Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
