Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
