We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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