god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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