We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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