I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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