I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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