i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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