Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
