you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
