he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
