he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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