Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
