I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize