i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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