apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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