I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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