just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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