I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
