You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
