i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
