Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
