My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
