Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
