she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
