Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
