her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
