it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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