im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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