I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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