By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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