i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
