My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
