Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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