Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
