put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
