How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
