hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize