Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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