It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
