I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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