i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
