we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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