It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
