Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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