I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
