Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
