Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
