I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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