She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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