Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
