i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
