I molested 6 butterflies tonight
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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