oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
