Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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