oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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