No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
