3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
